the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
