I feel like abortions should bother me more
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
