i need an iv and a liver transplant
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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