allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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