Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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