I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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