hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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