I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
