she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
