Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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