So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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