and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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