she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
