If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I did not marry a roomba.
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