I could make wine with my vomit
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
