New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Im part way to drunk.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Pooping to opera.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
