what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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