I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
