Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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