We're facebook friends in real life
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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