Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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