I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
