You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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