I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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