My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
