Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
