I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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