Betty ford says i'm here all night
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
