Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
