I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
