hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
