Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
