She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
