All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
