Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
