i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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