In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They took my balls.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
