It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
