I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
