I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
