Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
