The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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