She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
