Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
