i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
