I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
