'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
