I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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