life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
