i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
