Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
