That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
