Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
