Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
