oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
