you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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