I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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