After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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