Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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